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Domestic Violence occurs in one out of every ten families in America. It happens to mostly women, but men can also be victims of domestic violence. It can occur as physical abuse and battery or mental and verbal abuse. Domestic violence does not only hurt the abused, it also hurts the abuser and any family directly involved with the victim, including children. It is color blind and strikes regardless of age, sex, religion or social standards.
It is easy for someone on the outside of domestic violence to look in and say, "why would they stay in that situation , I would leave." Sometimes the choice to leave is more frightening than the choice to stay. Having been in a domestic violence situation, I know that staying was all I could do at the time until I was ready to leave.
We all know what occurs in a domestic violence situation: the abuse, the trauma, the danger. What about after? After the police, the divorce, the physical healing, what happens to the victims and their families? Oftentimes nothing is done but a one time follow-up by the state. The victim is referred to doctors, counselors or agencies but rarely do the victims utilize these services when the threat is no longer there. Sixty-five percent of past domestic violence victims become victims or dependents in future relationships. That is a staggering number, and probably lower than what actual happens.
After you have lived with domestic violence, whether it be physical or verbal, you are never the same. You become distrustful of others, overly cautious with "nice" people and your self-esteem is usually very low, if existing at all. It takes time to rebuild the esteem. It takes time to relearn how to trust again. It takes time to realize that some people are just genuinely nice. Not only does it take time, it also takes effort, patience and great inner strength and desire. There is no timeline for all this to occur, it is as different and unique as each individual. But it will happen and it is all a part of the recovery.
The damage done by domestic violence never heals one hundred percent. There is always a scar that remains. It is hard to understand how someone who went through agony at the hands of another could continue to harbor love and caring for that individual. But it happens and as much as we try to deny it, it exists. Many times the domestic violence and abuse were direct results of drug or alcohol intoxication, and once clean and sober the former abuser is often the person the victim had once fallen in love with. The scars remain though, and despite the feelings, the trust is never the same.
Life after domestic violence is different for every victim. Some move on to be involved in wonderful two way loving relationships. Others realize that life on their own is a good and safe route. Still others find themselves in destructive or abusive relationships again, wondering why and how it could happen another time.
If you are a domestic violence victim, get help. If you are out of the situation, continue to get help. If you want to overcome being a victim, never stop getting help. There are always local organizations for battered and abused women and domestic violence centers that assist both men and women who are victims. Don't be ashamed to be a victim and hide. Be brave and proud to be a survivor. Take a stand for yourself and others. The best thing you can do is help yourself and then share that knowledge to help others who are as afraid as you were. Domestic violence can start at home. Let's make it stop before it even has a chance.
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