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Every parent dreads those questions that are destined to come. The parent knows they are coming, yet it still seems to take them by surprise. Sometimes the questions are voiced quietly from the backseat of the car and at other times they could come in the middle of dinner. Whatever the case, it’s a good idea to be prepared. Most times the questions stem from things the child has seen or heard. As a parent, a good rule of thumb to follow is keeping it “short and sweet”. If the answer given doesn’t address the question thoroughly, they will ask the all important, “But why?” Another good thing to keep in mind is children generally aren’t looking for a college level lecture or answer. If the child is given a two-hour explanation of where babies come from he might only become confused or lose interest.
Keeping the information age appropriate is vital. A parent must remember that what nine-year-old Billy understands, little Johnny at age twelve might not. Each child is different in what they need to know and also how much they need to know. A parent needs to be able to sense the child’s level of understanding and speak as honestly an openly as possible. A child’s innocent questions should never be belittled, after all, how are they to learn if they don’t ask? Another key to this all important communication is to remember that children seem to have a radar that can and will detect if their parents are lying to them or uncomfortable with the conversation. The children will most assuredly, react accordingly. Sometimes the child could use his parents discomfort as a “tool” to cause blushing, stammering or in a worse case, not approach the parent at all, fearing they will displease the parent or might be lied to. Parents must also keep in mind that if a child’s questions are ridiculed, brushed off as unimportant or silly, could they be expected to come to their parent with other things of importance?
Keep a direct and honest approach, paying attention to the child’s unique level of understanding. Thereby knowing when the questions have been answered without crossing the fine line of too much information.
A parent should never be afraid to tell a child they don’t know an answer, but should also be willing to research and find the answers to the questions asked. The child can then rest assured that any answers given to them are direct and truthful. On the occasions a parent discovers an answer was incorrect, the child should be informed it was wrong and then be given the correct response. This will enable the little one to have the confidence to admit their mistakes. It will remove the aura of never being able to live up to the parents’ expectations, giving the child a valuable guideline to carry with him into adulthood. This also will ensure he will be even more open and honest with his parents.
Building these lines of communication can be a very challenging lesson to face. If the parents remember that these building blocks will enable the child to come to them time and time again as he travels the road to becoming an adult.
The main thing is to apply a policy of honesty, taking the cues a child gives when he has gotten his answer. The best thing a parent can give to a child is strength, knowledge and understanding. Seeing a child grow into a balanced and strong adult is by far, a most wonderful treasure.
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